Disaster has struck the Goblin Nation: a gang of methamphetamine-addled goblins has stolen every copper component from the prototype Holy Radiation Harvester. The theft, under cover of darkness, has left goblin scientists baffled and the nation's hopes for a technological revolution in tatters.
"We are devastated," said Dr. Gloopnoodle, lead researcher. "Years of work and countless groats, wasted. Without the copper, we have no way to harness the holy radiation from the solar sauce. We also can't find the ladle."
The Goblin Council of Elders has launched a nationwide manhunt, offering 10,000 fermented mushrooms for information leading to an arrest. The goblin underworld is abuzz with rumors that the thieves have already sold the copper to a shady gnome merchant for a lifetime supply of crystal meth.
"This is a major setback," said Elder Gnarltooth, his voice shaking with rage. "We were on the cusp of a new era of prosperity and power, and now we're back to square one. Damn those thieving tweakers!"
Because the Council had already wired every settlement to the single prototype, the theft has plunged the nation into darkness. Goblins are now relying on candles, torches and glow-in-the-dark mushrooms.
If you see a goblin with an unusually large stash of copper wire, contact the Goblin Police Department. If the Goblin Police Department has an unusually large stash of copper wire, GNN would like to hear about that too.
