Calling all goblins of exceptional wisdom, questionable sanity and a fondness for fermented beverages. The Goblin Council of Elders seeks a fourth member to join its esteemed ranks and avert the doom prophesied by the ancient goblin seers.
Responsibilities
- Attend council meetings, debate questionable policies, argue over the proper way to cook a rat and occasionally hurl fermented berries at colleagues.
- Give sage advice on matters of national importance, such as appeasing angry pixies, evading taxes and exploiting loopholes in the law.
- Represent the Goblin Nation on the world stage, showcasing our culture, our questionable fashion sense and our love of chaos.
- Sacrifice the occasional goat to the Oracle in exchange for cryptic prophecies. Goat not provided.
- Enjoy unlimited access to the Council's private stash of fermented mushroom ale, questionable snacks and stolen treasures.
Qualifications
- Minimum age 500 years, or the equivalent in goblin years.
- A proven record of questionable decisions, impulsive behavior and disregard for authority.
- Extensive knowledge of goblin history, mythology and the finer points of mud wrestling.
- Fluency in grunts, snarls and the occasional high-pitched squeal.
- Comfort wearing ridiculous hats and costumes, provided by the Council.
Benefits
- Unlimited power, within Mudwick Isle.
- A lifetime supply of fermented mushroom ale and questionable snacks.
- Access to the Council's secret underground bunker, with a hot tub full of molten cheese.
- The chance to shape the future of the Goblin Nation, or contribute to its downfall.
- The chance to save the goblin race from annihilation by fulfilling the ancient prophecy.
To apply, send a detailed résumé (if you can write), a blood sample (for ritual purposes) and a heartfelt essay on why you are the chosen one.
Warning: This is a high-stakes position with a high probability of ending in exile, ritual sacrifice or a vortex. Proceed with caution, and may the Flying Spaghetti Monster guide your path.
