In a closed-door session fraught with desperation, the Goblin Council of Elders briefly considered a daring plan to provoke the United States: "messing with America's boats." The idea was swiftly abandoned after a chilling reminder of Pearl Harbor, a historical blunder that led to disastrous consequences for the goblins' distant relatives, the Japanese.
"It seemed like a brilliant idea at first," confessed Elder Gnarltooth, barely above a whisper. "Poking the American bear always gets their attention. Then we remembered Pearl Harbor, and well, let's just say we decided to explore other options."
The brainstorming session, fueled by fermented mushroom ale and a deep fear of irrelevance after Operation Chaos Monkey, had focused on attention-grabbing tactics. Suggestions ranged from hijacking a cruise ship for a ransom of unlimited cheese doodles to a coordinated attack on inflatable pool toys in Florida.
Then the Council opened the historical archives and found the tale of Pearl Harbor. The images of burning ships, panicked sailors and the devastating aftermath served as a sobering reminder of the risks of provoking a superpower.
"We may be goblins, but we're not stupid," said Elder Fungella, pale with fear. "Messing with America's boats is a recipe for disaster. We need a plan that doesn't involve getting our butts kicked by a bunch of angry humans."
The Council has turned to less provocative schemes, such as hacking the American Idol vote so a goblin contestant wins, or flooding the internet with memes of Elder Gnarltooth in a tutu. The second plan has already been carried out. Nobody noticed that either.
