The Goblin Council of Elders has turned to the High Pastafarian Clerics for help with the Flavortown curse. After days of deliberation and copious fermented mushroom ale, the clerics have produced a plan: a labyrinth of dive bars and zero-star restaurants in Antarctica, each dedicated to one of Guy Fieri's favorite dishes.
"We must distract Fieri from his wrath," explained High Priest Gurgleblaster, twirling spaghetti around his fork. "We will lure him with a challenge he cannot resist: a never-ending quest for the most extreme, outrageous and downright delicious dive bar food in the known universe."
The ramshackle establishments will each serve a variation on Fieri's beloved dishes, from Donkey Sauce Slushies to Triple-Fried Mozzarella Sticks with Ghost Pepper Dipping Sauce.
To keep the offerings coming, the Pastafarians have devised a system of "eternal workers": goblins chosen for their devotion to Fieri and their tolerance for subzero temperatures, who will dedicate their lives to the monastic way of tribute.
"This is not a punishment, but a sacred duty," declared Priestess Gloopglop, her voice echoing through the icy caverns. "They will cook, they will serve, and they will never rest until Fieri is sated. There is no union."
The Council has embraced the plan as a viable alternative to the Oracle's rooftop sacrifice, which has been quietly cancelled. Volunteers may keep the wigs.
"This is a gamble," admitted Elder Gnarltooth, "but we have faith in the Pastafarians' wisdom. We will build a Flavortown in Antarctica that will make Guy Fieri proud, even on the astral plane."
