The Goblin Council of Elders has unanimously passed the Goblin Initiative Bill, the GI Bill, giving returning goblin veterans a full package of benefits.
What veterans get
- Education. Free tuition at Goblin University in Advanced Chaos Theory, Applied Pyromancy or the Art of the Haggle.
- Housing. Subsidized caves with pixie-proof security, moss-lined floors and stalactite chandeliers.
- Health care. Coverage for troll bites, dragon burns and mushroom poisoning.
- Job training. Dungeon mastering, troll wrangling and freelance potion brewing.
- Mental health. Goblin therapists for PTSD, survivor's guilt and the dread of going back to scavenging.
"Our veterans sacrificed so much for our freedom," said Supreme Leader Grungle, in a speech surprisingly free of jokes. "It is our duty to take care of them."
Veterans' groups are calling it long overdue. The bill's funding has been deposited with the Goblin Veterans Affairs department, where it will be perfectly safe.
