- A holographic pet rock. Shimmers, changes color, offers zero emotional support.
- A self-polishing spoon collection. Never tarnishes. Perfect for mushroom stew.
- A mini disco ball for the cave. Turn your home into a dance floor and forget the conspiracy.
- A solar-powered glitter cannon. Distract passersby from your investigative journalism.
- A magic 8-ball that only answers sarcastically. No help, plenty of attitude.
- Glow-in-the-dark dentures. Light up your smile, and the darkness of corruption.
- Fermented glitter slime. Mesmerizing and slightly repulsive.
- Diamond-encrusted earplugs. Block out the world, and any whistleblowers.
- A life-size statue of Supreme Leader Grungle in aluminum foil. Pay homage while reflecting his decisions back at him.
- A GoblinLife.org subscription. Satire, absurdity and questionable financial advice. Forget those secrets.
This list was commissioned by the Obfuscation and Misdirection Squad. Enjoy your spoons.
