Greetings, seekers of esoteric truth. Gnarfúnkel the Wise here, to solve Bigfoot not with evidence but with philosophy and goblin intuition.
For centuries we have chased footprints, hair and shaky video. The creature remains out of reach. Perhaps we have been looking in the wrong place.
I propose that Bigfoot is not an animal but a metaphor: our longing for the wild and the unknown.
The footprints are the marks we leave on the world with every step and choice.
The hair samples are our own untamed desires.
The blurry photographs are the blurred line between reality and perception, and the power of imagination.
Bigfoot lives not in the woods but in the soul. Next time you search the forest, look within.
I am not a licensed therapist, and this column was written during a mushroom tasting. It is, however, more conclusive than the photographs. Also, if you see the interns in there, tell them to come home.
