A leaked birth certificate shows that the esteemed scholar Gnarfúnkel the Wise was registered at birth as Gnarfúnkel the Dull.
Critics at the Goblin Academy of Linguistic Anarchy say it explains a lot: the rambling essays, the obscure vocabulary, the diacritics, the fashion. "He's a pompous windbag with a thesaurus," said a rival scholar, speaking anonymously for fear of a duel with fermented berries.
Gnarfúnkel held a press conference in his mushroom-infested study. "'The Wise' is a stage name," he said. "'The Dull' may be my birthright, but 'the Wise' is my destiny, earned through years of research, ancient scrolls and an unhealthy amount of fermented mushroom ale."
Some have accepted this. Others demand a formal inquiry into his credentials.
His critics note that his Bigfoot column ran this morning. His supporters note that it was, technically, wise. Nobody has argued it was not dull.
