It's tax season. Goblin Tax Services has released its user-friendly annual form, which makes it easy to get fleeced.
The form
- Name: ideally beginning with a G sound.
- Cave address: we'll find you anyway.
- Shiny-object income: how many baubles did you hoard?
- Fermented mushroom deductions: medicinal use only, wink.
- Troll tolls paid: bribes count.
- Pixie protection payments: what you paid to avoid curses.
- Plus forty-one more fields of no relevance.
Then a large button: Calculate my taxes! Just kidding. They're already calculated.
Your summary
- Total income: irrelevant.
- Total deductions: meaningless.
- Tax owed: everything you own, plus a little extra.
- Late fee: one shiny bauble or your firstborn, whichever is worth more.
- Due date: yesterday.
Disputes will result in confiscation, public humiliation and exile to an island of rabid badgers. Goblin Tax Services is a wholly owned subsidiary of the Goblin Council of Elders, which is exempt.
