A new front has opened in the Pastafarian schism: cheese.
The Orthodox insist that only genuine Parmigiano-Reggiano, imported from Italy, may touch sacred spaghetti. "The Monster demands the finest," said High Priest Gnarly. "Anything less is blasphemy."
The Reformed call that elitist. "The Monster is a loving deity," said Gnarfles. "He wouldn't care if we used a shaker from the corner store, or vegan cheese. What matters is togetherness."
Protests have followed, along with debates and several cheese-throwing incidents. Neither side will budge.
The Goblin Council of Elders has called a Cheese Summit. Some fear a full Cheese War.
Goblin economists predict Parmigiano-Reggiano prices will soar on Orthodox demand. Black-market cheese rings are already selling counterfeit wheels at outrageous prices, which the Orthodox can't tell apart and the Reformed don't care about.
