GoblinLife.org has announced record numbers: one billion unique visitors, an average session of 17 hours and enough ad revenue to fill a bathtub with gold twice a week.
Its social media tells a different story. The official account has 12 followers, most suspected to be the founder's alternates. The Facebook page is overrun with pixie spam. The Instagram has one blurry photo of a mushroom.
"It's impossible to have that much traffic and that little social presence," said a goblin data analyst, speaking anonymously for fear of an audit by Goblin Tax Services. "Something smells, and it smells like fermented herring."
Some suspect inflated numbers to lure advertisers. Others think the content repels followers. "Most people don't want to read about goblin flatulence and mud wrestling," said a former employee, who was fired for suggesting the founder wear pants.
Founder Grungle Scribbler is unbothered. "Our true audience lives in the dark corners of the internet," he said, refreshing his feed for a thirteenth follower. "We don't need validation."
The thirteenth follower arrived during the interview. It was a pixie.
