The United States has announced a massive increase in defense spending to counter the "growing threat" of Freedonia, which is fictional.
China and Russia, not to be outdone in imaginary warfare, have followed with increases of their own, citing equally fictional adversaries.
"The world has gone mad," said Grungle Gristle, writing for GNN's world desk and secretly enjoying himself. "Nations are spending fortunes on imaginary enemies while real problems like climate change, poverty and goblin discrimination go unaddressed."
At a press conference best described as a fever dream, Washington outlined a new arsenal of "fictional fighting capacity": invisible tanks, silent submarines and mind-control rays detectable only by paranoid politicians.
China and Russia countered with genetically engineered super-soldiers, weather-controlling satellites and a top-secret project to weaponize memes.
The result is a new Cold War of the absurd. Diplomats argue over imaginary borders, strategists plan against nonexistent threats and the global economy wobbles under the cost of make-believe weapons. Goblin diplomats are watching with fermented mushroom juice and popcorn. This is going to be one heck of a show.
