The Goblin Gaming Group's five quintillion dollar contract for lapel pins for the Goblin National Guard has taken an unexpected turn. What was dismissed as a frivolous expense is now described as a strategic move to improve soldiers' safety and effectiveness.
According to a leaked memo from the Ministry of Defense, the rhinestone pins are not fashion accessories. They have a tactical purpose: to stop goblins getting lost on covert operations.
Goblins are small and well camouflaged, and often blend into their surroundings so well that their own comrades cannot find them in the heat of battle. The reflective rhinestones catch the light from any angle and reveal the wearer's position.
"This is a game-changer for goblin warfare," said a military strategist who asked not to be named for fear of being made to wear a pink tutu in the next training exercise. "Our soldiers can operate with confidence, knowing their comrades can find them in the thickest foliage or the darkest cave."
The Group acknowledged the strategic value while stressing the pins' aesthetic appeal. "We're proud to have made something that makes our brave soldiers safer and adds a touch of glamour to their uniforms," said Glurp, the Group's CEO, in a press release notably free of his usual arrogance. "Who says fashion and function can't coexist?"
The Guard reports a significant drop in the number of lost soldiers since the pins were issued. The contract may not be as frivolous as it first looked.
