The Goblin Ministry of Defense has awarded a contract worth five quintillion dollars to Glitterglaze & Co., the parent company of the Goblin Gaming Group, to make custom lapel pins for every soldier in the Goblin National Guard.
The contract dwarfs all previous defense spending in goblin history and has prompted outrage and accusations of corruption. The pin is a simple goblin flag in shimmering rhinestones. Critics say the money could have gone to equipment, training or a decent supply of fermented mushrooms for the troops.
"This is an absolute travesty," said a veteran who asked not to be named for fear of being conscripted into the Pixie Peacekeeping Brigade. "Our soldiers risk their lives for a handful of shiny pebbles, and the Group lines its pockets with a fortune for costume jewelry."
Glurp, the Group's CEO, who approved the contract after a moral review conducted with a ledger, called the pins essential to morale and national pride. Grungle, the ousted former CEO, has been recruited as brand ambassador in exchange for a hot meal and a new box, and modeled the pin in a glamorous photo shoot. "Our soldiers deserve to look their best defending our great nation," he said. "These aren't just symbols of patriotism. They're fashion statements that will make our enemies tremble with fear and envy."
The Council of Elders, under pressure and accused of collusion, has opened an investigation. Given its habit of frequenting the Group's Groovy Grotto nightclub, many doubt it will find anything. Taxpayers can only hope the enemy is more impressed by the Guard's fashion sense than by its combat record.
