A prank from the land down under has tricked goblin educators into adopting a "revolutionary" earthquake drill: students repeatedly slap the sides of their own skulls to simulate the sight and sound of a real quake.
Some educators were enthusiastic. Then goblin scientists did the math. Each drill, they estimate, costs the nation more than 300 billion brain cells.
"A disaster!" said Dr. Grunglebrain, a goblin psychologist who has moved into neurology for the emergency. "Widespread cognitive impairment, memory loss and an alarming rise in the popularity of polka."
The Goblin Council of Elders, which approved the drills, now demands an investigation. "We will not tolerate foreign interference in our schools," Elder Gnarltooth declared, barely audible over the slapping from a nearby classroom.
Students report everything from headaches to full-blown existential crises.
"I used to get straight A's," said Grungle Brinejaw Jr., a sixth-grader. "Now I can barely remember my name, and I can't stop yodeling."
Parents are calling for a boycott of earthquake drills. Others want the Australians held to account. Australia says it has never heard of goblins, which is exactly what an Australian prankster would say.
