Readers of this afternoon's list of four-dimensional objects spotted the following sponsors. All of them are still accepting new customers. 1. **Schrödinger's Cat Food.** Tired of your cat disappearing into the fourth dimension? Schrödinger...
Buckle up, mathletes. We're taking a ride into the fourth dimension. Forget boring old cubes and spheres: these shapes will make you question reality itself. 1. **The tesseract.** A cube with an extra dimension for storing all your existent...
So, eager beaver, you want those three little letters after your name. Getting a PhD is like a marathon, with more existential crises and fewer free bananas. First, pick a topic so obscure your advisor needs Google to understand it. The goa...
So the world has gone to hell in a handbasket. No Wi-Fi, no Instagram likes, no TikTok dances. Don't despair, fellow influencer. Your social media fix is still within reach, even in the wasteland. First, ditch the smartphone. It's a paperwe...
Hold onto your dunce caps. Fox is reviving the game show where adults face off against elementary school kids, with a disheartening twist. The new title: *Are You Smarter Than a 2nd Grader?* Sources say the change is a direct response to, *...
The inaugural Hug-a-Thug Day brought residents and local "misunderstood individuals" together for a day of embraces and understanding. The event aimed to break down barriers and build empathy between social groups. Participants were encoura...
Scholars and linguists have announced that words can have more than one meaning. The discovery has left experts questioning everything they thought they knew about language. "It's simply mind-boggling," said Dr. P. Enultimate, professor of ...
Feeling down? Anxious? Overwhelmed? Don't waste months waiting for a therapist who might not even get you. Titusville's newest mental health solution is here: Social Media Psychosis. For just five minutes of your scrolling time, our team of...
Forget overpriced neurologists and their fancy MRI machines. Our revolutionary new service will unlock the secrets of your mind for the low, low price of absolutely nothing. Our team of highly unqualified but enthusiastic neuro-experts will...
If your glasses keep shattering every other day, it may not be clumsiness. It could be a mischievous spirit with a vendetta against your eyewear. Here is how to appease it and keep your specs intact. The offering of lens wipes.** Spirits, l...
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