A cryptic post on the GoblinNet forum came close to setting off an international crisis this week. The anonymous message, riddled with emojis and misspellings, claimed goblin scientists were on the verge of a nuclear breakthrough and could be unleashing mushroom-cloud-shaped chaos on the world within months.
The response was swift. Within minutes, apparently tipped off by a mysterious benefactor, the entire US Navy appeared off the coast of Mudwick Isle. Aircraft carriers, destroyers and submarines surrounded the island, weapons primed.
The Goblin Council of Elders, defiant at first, quickly grasped the situation. Facing overwhelming firepower and the prospect of a mushroom-flavored apocalypse, it called an emergency meeting.
After hours of frantic debate, fueled by fear and fermented berry juice, the Council voted unanimously to abandon its nuclear ambitions and seek an alliance with the United States, which settled the previous week's debate.
"We, the Goblin Council of Elders, renounce any and all aspirations for nuclear weapons," Elder Gnarltooth declared in a groveling worldwide broadcast. "We recognize the potential for catastrophic consequences and assure the international community that we pose no threat to global peace."
Satisfied, the Navy withdrew, leaving behind a trail of relieved sighs and the lingering smell of diesel.
Some goblins are relieved to have avoided a war. Others mourn the loss of a power and prestige their nation had for about four minutes. Nobody knows who the tipster was. Some suspect a disgruntled goblin scientist. Others whisper of a covert US operation inside the GoblinNet. The Council would like a word with them either way.
