TITUSVILLE, Fla. — The Goblin Research Institute's College of Sniffing is in a state of emergency after a junior researcher aimed the Scentoscope, the institute's olfactory telescope, directly at a black hole. The result was a scent vacuum that sucked every odor out of the lab and the surrounding blocks.
Emergency responders are on the scene. Initial reports say the affected area smells of nothing at all, causing panic among the bipedal, opposable-thumbed, culturally fluent dogs (BDCD) and their goblin colleagues. The institute has not named the junior researcher. Dr. Woofgang has not been seen since lunch.
"We are working tirelessly to understand the full ramifications of this unprecedented event," said Dr. Barker, head of the GRI. "Our priority is the safety of our staff and the community."
BDCD rely on smell for communication, navigation and emotional well-being. Experts warn that prolonged exposure to the vacuum could be devastating. Several dogs have been found standing in the parking lot, sniffing at the air and looking betrayed.
Critics say the GRI has been reckless in its pursuit of knowledge. The GRI has tried to report itself to the relevant regulator, and found that since the Council's declaration of laissez-faire chaos there isn't one.
Residents on the edge of the zone report one small benefit: for the first time in living memory, the Titusville storm drains smell of nothing.
