The Goblin Council of Elders has created its own intelligence crisis. Rigatonia, the breakaway Pastafarian nation, has acquired a trove of sensitive government secrets, from the Council's questionable financial dealings to its secret recipe for fermented mushroom ale.
The source is Gigglesnout, the court jester the elders exiled to Rigatonia after four days of his jokes. In their haste to be rid of him, they forgot he had sat in on countless confidential conversations and seen top-secret documents during his short tenure.
"How could we have been so foolish?" said Elder Gnarltooth. "We were so busy trying to silence his jokes and juggling that we forgot he knew more about our inner workings than some of our own members."
The Council has begged him to come home, offering a full pardon, a lifetime supply of shiny baubles and a custom jester's hat with built-in noise cancelling. Gigglesnout, enjoying his new popularity in Rigatonia, has refused.
"I'm finally appreciated for my wit and wisdom," he said in a televised address from his newly renovated cave. "Why would I go back to a place where I was mocked, ridiculed and threatened with execution? Also, the food here is much better."
The Council has sent a team of spies to Rigatonia to assess the damage. Their work has been slowed by the island's laid-back atmosphere, delicious pasta and open-minded approach to fermented mushrooms. Two have applied for citizenship.
