Parliament's power play has worked. The Council of Elders, after its "meh," has accepted Parliament's right to nominate a fifth member, and Parliament is scrambling to find someone.
After days of debate, speeches and a few near-brawls involving fermented sausages, Parliament has reached a consensus: the Council needs a thief.
"Our current Council is woefully lacking in stealth, subterfuge and the acquisition of shiny objects," said Parliamentarian Gnarfle, a self-described expert in lock-picking and pickpocketing. "Without a resident thief, how can we go on dungeon crawls, infiltrate enemy fortresses or loot the treasury after a successful coup?"
A nationwide search is under way for the most cunning, agile and morally flexible goblin available. Aspiring thieves are emerging from the shadows to show off lock-picking, trap-disarming and the distractionary fart. The Goblin News Network has launched a reality show, "So You Think You Can Steal," in which contestants compete in challenges designed to test their thieving.
The Council, hesitant at first, has accepted the decision and published the requirements for the post:
- A proven record of successful heists and minimal jail time.
- Expertise in lock-picking, trap-disarming and the distractionary fart.
- A willingness to share ill-gotten gains with the rest of the Council. Non-negotiable.
- A taste for fermented beverages and questionable snacks, essential at meetings.
- An appreciation for the finer things: shiny objects, rare mushrooms and the occasional kidnapped princess.
The nation awaits the announcement and a possible surge in the national debt, given the new member's expected appetite for shiny objects.
