The Goblin Council of Elders has created a new bureaucratic body, the Chamber of Abstraction, staffed by delegates skilled in deflection, obfuscation and blame-shifting. Its mandate is to address the Goblin Nation's many problems by not addressing them.
The design follows the principles of clean code. Each delegate is a single-purpose object with one responsibility: receive a task and delegate it to another goblin. The result is a modular system in which accountability diffuses like spilled grog on a dirt floor, and nothing ever gets done.
When a crisis arises, the delegates meet in a dim chamber filled, literally, with smoke and mirrors, and discuss it at length. After much hand-wringing and fermented mushroom tea, they delegate the problem to another department, a committee or an unsuspecting intern. No single person or group can be held accountable for a bad outcome, and the Chamber's hands stay clean.
"The Chamber of Abstraction is a testament to our commitment to innovation and efficiency," said Elder Gnarltooth, its founding member and chief architect, a connoisseur of convoluted process. "By delegating responsibility and decentralizing problem-solving, we make sure no one is burdened with accountability. It's a win-win for everyone, except the poor saps who actually have to deal with the problems."
The Chamber is already at work. The economy has been delegated to the Ministry of Shiny Objects. The pixie uprising has gone to the Troll Peacekeeping Force, which is napping. Climate change has gone to the Department of Mushroom Fermentation, which is experimenting with ways to harness methane for energy. Rising fermented mushroom ale prices and the pixie reparations dispute are in committee.
Asked why the Council would build a body that does nothing, a spokesperson said, "Why waste time and resources solving problems when you can delegate them into oblivion?" and then delegated the question to an intern.
Critics call the Chamber a glorified procrastination machine. Supporters praise its sense of shared responsibility, or rather shared irresponsibility.
