Greetings, fellow goblins. Grungle here, your ever-optimistic (read: permanently grumpy) leader, with advice for when life stops going to plan. Our plans rarely work out, so this is a column we should all keep handy.
What does a goblin do about an unexpected setback, an unforeseen obstacle, or a mob of pixies demanding reparations for stolen acorns? Five suggestions.
- Blame the pixies. A classic, for good reason. When something goes wrong, point at the nearest pixie and shout, "It was them!" This will not solve your problem. It will make you feel better, and it may start a riot.
- Sacrifice a goat to the Oracle. Beg a higher power for guidance. The Oracle's prophecies are cryptic and rarely useful, but you will have a roast goat to eat while you think.
- Start a pyramid scheme. Nothing distracts from your failures like other goblins investing in them. Promise riches, share your nonexistent profits, and disappear overnight with the gold. It is the goblin way, and I will not be taking questions.
- Invent a time machine, or just pretend to. Go back and stop the problem from happening. This may destroy the universe, but your immediate problem will be solved.
- Embrace the chaos. Accept that things will go wrong, throw a party for your failures and remember it could be worse. You could be a pixie.
