Fellow goblins,
In these trying economic times, as I can personally attest from inside a very nice cardboard box behind the Wash & Dash, it is more important than ever to stretch your hard-earned, or cleverly pilfered, gold. And what better place to start than your favorite vice?
I know what you're thinking. "Grungle, you senile old coot, smoking a cigarette down to the butt is common sense!" And you'd be right, if you were a sensible creature like a gnome or a dwarf. But we're goblins. We thrive on chaos, excess and a healthy disregard for conventional wisdom, which is why somebody has to say it out loud.
Here's the breakdown:
- More puffs for your buck. Smoke every cigarette to the butt and you get more puffs per cigarette, which means fewer packs.
- Less waste. Fewer butts in the street means a cleaner Goblin Nation.
- Goblin cred. Smoking down to the filter is a badge of honor. It shows you're willing to get your hands, and lungs, dirty to save a few coins.
"But Grungle," some of you say, "won't that be harsher on my lungs?" To which I say: pfft. Who needs lungs when you have a heart full of greed and a mind full of mischief?
GNN does not endorse smoking, excessive greed or mischief resulting in bodily harm, unless inflicted on a gnome or a dwarf. Consult a physician before attempting any extreme smoking techniques. Remember, goblins: safety third.
