New studies have revealed the truth about the seemingly innocent goldfish: it is the larval stage of a monstrous aquatic creature, and your toilet is its gateway to adulthood.
Scientists have long been puzzled by what happens to flushed goldfish. Flushing was thought to be a harmless disposal method. New evidence shows that the plumbing system triggers a metamorphosis, transforming the fish into colossal, sewer-dwelling beasts.
Reports of mutated goldfish terrorizing plumbers and sanitation workers have surged. The creatures, now equipped with razor-sharp teeth and an insatiable appetite for human waste, have wreaked havoc on underground infrastructure.
The public is urged to stop flushing unwanted goldfish. Experts recommend humane euthanasia, or donating them to responsible aquariums equipped to handle the transformation.
"We used to think clogs were caused by hair and grease," said a traumatized plumber. "Now we know it's these damn goldfish. They've grown ten times their size and developed a taste for PVC."
