Move over, skinny jeans and fanny packs. The trend hitting the streets this season is ditching health insurance. The once-coveted safety net is now a fashion faux pas, a relic of a bygone era when people cared about staying alive.
Why the sudden change?
Industry experts (people who spend far too much time on social media) cite several factors:
- The rise of crystal healing and essential oils. Who needs medical treatment when you can rub lavender oil on your forehead and chant positive affirmations? It's cheaper, it smells better, and your Instagram feed will thank you.
- The live-fast-die-young mentality. Why pay exorbitant premiums for coverage you might never use? Besides, who wants to live forever when you can binge all eight seasons of Game of Thrones and still feel cheated?
- The sheer thrill of risk. Paying bills on time, eating vegetables, getting checkups: snoozefest. Risking financial ruin over an unexpected illness is living on the edge.
- The unparalleled joy of bankruptcy. Who needs a credit score when you can declare bankruptcy and start over? It's a financial detox, minus the kale smoothies.
What's next for insurers?
With customer bases dwindling, insurers are reinventing themselves. Some offer extreme-sports coverage for those who insist on tempting fate. Others are pivoting to pet insurance to cash in on our obsession with furry companions.
The boldest is a company rebranding as The Anti-Insurance Insurance. For a small monthly fee, it mails you a personalized bad-luck charm guaranteed to attract misfortune. It's the perfect accessory for the fashion-forward individual who wants to live on their own terms, consequences be damned.
So ditch that outdated insurance card. If you happen to break a leg or contract a rare tropical disease, don't come crying to us. We'll be busy diffusing essential oils.
