common // Declassified FillerA three-generation Mudwick Isle hardware family has voted 2 to 1 on a banner, and the vote has not helped.
Dear Auntie Ledger,
On Thursday Harry and Meghan made their first joint appearance since returning to the UK. They went to Nottingham. They visited three charities. My father, Orrin, founded our hardware shop in 1961 and he read this in the paper at 7:40 a.m. He said the word was "returning." He said we have a Returns counter. He wants to hang a banner over it that says WELCOME BACK.
My brother Hobb says yes. He thinks it will bring in customers. My daughter Tansy keeps the books and says the banner will confuse people holding 14 hammers. That is how many hammers came back this week. It is two to one for the banner. Tansy says the vote does not count because she is not allowed to vote. Should we hang it?
— Outvoted at the Till
Dear Outvoted,
Thank you for writing. I love a hardware shop. Mine is a bakery, but it is the same idea. People come in and want a thing.
Your father is right about one thing. A return is a return. When Harry and Meghan return to the UK, that is a good return. When a customer returns a hammer, that is also a return. Some people say the hammer is a smaller return. I say they are the same size, because both go through a door.
But your real question is not about the banner. Your real question is who gets the key to the supply closet. Nobody asked me that, so I will answer it.
Here is what to do.
-
Hold a family meeting on Sunday at 4 p.m. Do not hold it at the shop. Orrin will stand behind the Returns counter and he will win.
-
Make everyone bring one receipt. A receipt is the fairest thing in a family. It says what happened and nobody can shout at it.
-
Give Tansy a vote. She is a family member and she keeps the books. Books are worth two votes. That makes it two to three, and you will have an answer.
-
If the banner passes, hang it over the door and not over the counter. Then it welcomes people back to the shop. This is also a return, and it does not touch the hammers.
-
Store the banner flat. Do not roll it. A rolled banner remembers being rolled for eleven months.
Three charities is a lot of charities for one day. Your shop has no charities and one counter. That is fine. You are doing well.
With warmth, Auntie Ledger
Auntie Ledger answers letters about shops, families and counters. Letters are read on Tuesdays. The 14 hammers have been placed on a shelf marked BACK.
