The Goblin Nation is in mourning. Grungle Gristle, the beloved host of Clanily Bloodfued, has died after choking on an apple during the show's live apple-bobbing challenge.
Gristle was a goblin of many careers: GNN's Chief Analyst, then everything else, from bartender and podcaster to gambling columnist and secret Young Goblin Chaos Association operative. He was known for his flamboyant personality, his questionable fashion sense and his mustache. He survived hosting a premiere in which contestants were routinely dismembered, and was undone by fruit.
"We are devastated," said a tearful Gnarlene Gnarltooth, the show's producer. "Grungle was a true goblin icon, a master of ceremonies and a champion of all things chaotic."
Under pressure to find a replacement, the Goblin Council of Elders has reportedly contacted the agent of human entertainer Steve Harvey, admired for his impressive mustache and his hosting style. Harvey's representatives have not responded.
In the meantime a nationwide search is under way for a goblin with a mustache of comparable quality. Barbershops are overflowing with hopefuls.
"We're looking for charisma, wit and a mustache that can hold its own against a plate of fermented spider eggs," said Elder Gnarltooth. "This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity."
The apple-bobbing round has been cut. The battle royale stays.
