Goblin Entertainment Television (GET) has struck gold with Clanily Bloodfued, a reality show that combines courtroom drama, game show and gladiatorial combat, hosted by Grungle Gristle and his magnificent mustache.
The premise is simple and brutal. Two feuding goblin clans each send their five strongest members to answer trivia questions based on surveys of the goblin public. Every correct answer earns the clan a weapon, from rusty daggers to enchanted battle axes.
In the final round, the clans fight a sudden-death battle royale with whatever they've won. The last goblin standing wins glory, bragging rights and a lifetime supply of fermented mushroom ale for the clan.
The premiere was a bloodbath. Contestants fought with oversized fish bones and flaming whoopee cushions. Goblins were impaled, dismembered and flung into vats of boiling slime, then reassembled by the GET medic during the commercial break, mostly in the right order. One contestant finished the episode with his ears on backwards and said he could hear the future.
"Best thing I've seen since Grungle the Great's legendary sneeze!" said viewer Gnarlene Gristle, through a mouthful of popcorn.
"I can't believe they're allowed to show this," muttered Grungle Grimgob, eyes glued to the screen. "But I can't look away."
Ratings are soaring and advertisers are lining up. The Goblin Council of Elders praised the show's "innovative approach to conflict resolution" and its "positive impact on goblin morale." The first survey question of next week's episode, GNN has learned, is "Name something you'd bring to a family feud."
