Goblin culture ends the year at a crossroads, with critics lamenting a lack of originality and an over-reliance on derivative themes. From fashion to entertainment, goblins seem content to imitate and regurgitate trends from other cultures.
"We've become a nation of copycats," said Grungle Gristle, a cultural critic and self-proclaimed "voice of reason," who this year was also a moderator, a shopkeeper, a hat influencer, a Glurp enthusiast, a food critic, a poker player, a commuter, a student and a fan of a cartoon he later hated. "We used to be known for our ingenuity, our resourcefulness, our chaotic creativity. Now we're recycling tired tropes from other cultures."
The evidence is everywhere. Goblin fashion is dominated by knock-off human streetwear. Goblin music is a mishmash of stolen melodies. Goblin cuisine is a hodgepodge of borrowed flavors. The national website runs on someone else's stylesheet, and the national bus is the Knight Bus with a mosh pit.
"We're losing our goblin-ness," warned Gnarlene Gnarltooth, a cultural anthropologist and advocate for goblin heritage. "If we continue down this path, we'll become a bland, homogenized society, indistinguishable from the humans and pixies we so despise."
The Goblin Council of Elders is unfazed.
"We're not copying, we're adapting," said Elder Gnarltooth, in knock-off designer sunglasses. "We take the best elements of other cultures and make them our own. It's called progress, people!"
"We need to rediscover our goblin roots," Gristle urged. "Embrace our weirdness, our chaos, our love of slime and explosions. We need to stop being vultures and start being creators again."
He then announced a podcast.
