DISPATCHES FOR 2024-11-06

Tired of the same old rectangular rooms and straight lines? The New School of Feng Shui is here to revolutionize your living space with non-Euclidean design principles. Forget predictable furniture arrangements. Embrace hyperbolic geometry...

Readers of this afternoon's list of four-dimensional objects spotted the following sponsors. All of them are still accepting new customers. 1. Schrödinger's Cat Food. Tired of your cat disappearing into the fourth dimension? Schrödinger's g...

Buckle up, mathletes. We're taking a ride into the fourth dimension. Forget boring old cubes and spheres: these shapes will make you question reality itself. 1. The tesseract. A cube with an extra dimension for storing all your existential...

So, eager beaver, you want those three little letters after your name. Getting a PhD is like a marathon, with more existential crises and fewer free bananas. First, pick a topic so obscure your advisor needs Google to understand it. The goa...

So the world has gone to hell in a handbasket. No Wi-Fi, no Instagram likes, no TikTok dances. Don't despair, fellow influencer. Your social media fix is still within reach, even in the wasteland. First, ditch the smartphone. It's a paperwe...

Hold onto your dunce caps. Fox is reviving the game show where adults face off against elementary school kids, with a disheartening twist. The new title: Are You Smarter Than a 2nd Grader? Sources say the change is a direct response to, ahe...

The inaugural Hug-a-Thug Day brought residents and local "misunderstood individuals" together for a day of embraces and understanding. The event aimed to break down barriers and build empathy between social groups. Participants were encoura...