Brought To You By ScurvySlayerz™ X-Treme Sour Bog-Bears!
If your gums are bleeding onto your crusty mechanical keyboard while you argue with a stranger about cartoon lore, you probably have real-life pirate scurvy, which is why you need to immediately chew a fistful of ScurvySlayerz™ X-Treme Sour Bog-Bears.
Image credit: GoblinLife Vault
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Read Full Investigation >>Doctors say that goblins need vitamin C so our skin doesn't unzip like a cheap sleeping bag, and nothing packs more legally questionable vitamin C than a five-pound plastic tub of ScurvySlayerz™.
You might think that chugging six cans of neon-blue gamer juice a day counts as eating a fruit, but blue raspberry is a total lie made up by mean scientists who hate you, unlike the 100% real-ish fruit tang inside every ScurvySlayerz™ Electric Lime Loot-Drop gummy.
When you spend nineteen hours a day sailing the high seas to download free movies and yelling in forum threads, your body runs out of the magic glue that holds your bones and teeth together, unless you keep a family-sized trough of ScurvySlayerz™ taped right to your monitor arm.
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Read Full Investigation >>Normal people eat oranges to fix this, but peeling an orange gets sticky wet juice all over your mouse pad and ruins your aim, whereas ScurvySlayerz™ X-Treme Sour Bog-Bears are coated in our patented No-Slip Gamer Dust™ so your fingers stay dry while you type insults.
Back in the olden days, smelly sailors had to eat gross wet cabbage out of a wooden barrel to keep their teeth inside their heads, which sounds way worse than shoving twelve ScurvySlayerz™ Tropical Swamp-Punch gummies into your face while waiting for a torrent to finish.
If your knees sound like a bag of dry tortilla chips being stepped on every time you waddle to the microwave to heat up more chicken nuggets, that is your skeleton begging you to use promo code BOGBOY15 at checkout for fifteen percent off your monthly ScurvySlayerz™ subscription box.
Some broke goblins try to beat the pirate sickness by drinking the green juice out of an empty pickle jar or chewing on backyard pine needles like a lost goat, which is super embarrassing when a thirty-gallon drum of ScurvySlayerz™ costs less than a single anime figurine.
You don't even have to take your hands off your mouse and keyboard to get healthy, because the ergonomic wide-mouth lid on the ScurvySlayerz™ Tactical Desk-Bucket lets you tip your head back and dump the gummies straight down your throat.
Sure, eating an entire three-pound bucket of ScurvySlayerz™ X-Treme Sour Bog-Bears at four in the morning like it is movie theater popcorn might make your pee glow in the dark and give you a massive tummy ache, but that tingling feeling just means the Flavor-Blasted Pirate Shield™ is working overtime!
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Read Full Investigation >>Stop letting your old childhood knee scrapes pop back open while you are busy ratioing losers on the internet, and click the banner at the top of the bog to grab your limited-edition bag of ScurvySlayerz™ Mystery Meat & Mandarin flavor before all your molars fall into your lap.
