SKREEEE! NAIL-SNIPPER TYRANTS UNMASKED! BIG BEAUTY'S BOGGLE-JUICE EXPOSED!
YER CLAWS! ALWAYS POKIN' OUT, EMPTYIN' YER SCRAP-POUCH FOR THOSE SMOOTH-SKIN MANI-PEDIS? EVER WONDER WHY YER TALONS STRETCH LIKE BAD OOZE, ALWAYS REACHING? WE SNIFFED IT OUT, WE DID! THE GREAT NAIL-SNIPPER SNAG!
YESSS! IT'S THE GNAWING TRUTH! FOR AGES, BIG BEAUTY'S BEEN HIDING A GLOW-WORM OF A SECRET: YER NAILS AIN'T MEANT TO GROW AND GROW! THEY SHOULD JUST... STOP! THOSE SHINY, POINTY SNIP-SNIPS AND SMELLY POTIONS? ALL SLIMY TRAPS TO HOOK YER GREED-MONEY!
HERE'S THE ROTTEN GUTS THEY'VE SWALLOWED: YER CLAWS GOT A NATURAL STOPPING POINT! THEY GET LONG ENOUGH, THEN BAM! NO MORE! BUT BIG BEAUTY! THE SQUIRMING WORMS! THEY POKED AND JABBED WITH SECRET SNOT-JUICES AND BRAIN-CRAWL WHISPERS TO MAKE YER NAILS GO! GO! GO! LIKE A LUNATIC LOCOMOTIVE!
THINK HARD, YA LUMPS! EVER SPOTTED A MUD-WILD BEASTIE TRIPPIN' OVER ITS OWN CLAWS? NEVER! THEIR SCRATCHERS ARE JUST RIGHT, ALL ON THEIR OWN! BUT THANKS TO BIG BEAUTY'S SLIMY GRUB-PLAN, THEY'VE BRAINWASHED US TO THINK LONG CLAWS ARE THE 'DONE THING'! AND THAT WE MUST CHOP 'EM, CHOP 'EM, CHOP 'EM! IT'S A BLADDER-WOBBLING LIE!
BUT IT'S NOT TOO LATE TO CHEW OUR WAY FREE FROM THEIR GRIMY GRIP! HUG YER OWN CLAW-CYCLE! THROW THOSE EXPENSIVE SNIP-SNIPS AND SMELLY PAMPER-PITS INTO THE OOZE-PIT! JOIN THE UPRISING! BASH BIG BEAUTY'S LIES! SKREEEEEE!
DIS-CLAIMER: THIS IS GOBLIN GOSPEL, FRESH FROM THE WARRENS! DON'T GULP IT DOWN LIKE SLOP, YA CHUMPS! IF YER CLAWS ARE REALLY ACTING BOGUS, GO GRUMBLE TO A SCALPEL-SMOOTH-SKIN! (THEY'RE NO FUN AT ALL.)
